Gone But Not Forgotten
by Nympha-Maniac
Summary: During the Battle of Hogwarts, Tonks defeats Bellatrix, but Lupin is killed. How will Tonks deal with the loss of her love and the responsibility of being a single mother?
1. Loss

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here's my first story. I really hope you enjoy it. :)**

TPOV

A flash or purple was all that I picture in my head. The stomach-wrenching sound that his body made as it struck the ground. These were the thoughts that would not leave my head. I turned my head so I could glance at the alarm clock. 2:37 A.M. Great.

It had been this way for the past few weeks. I lay in bed, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to breathe. It felt as if the entire world was caving down on me.

I had spent the last two months constantly crying to myself at night.

I would cry day and night, but I had more than just me to care about. I had Teddy. My Teddy. The only real thing I have left of Remus…

I left my resting place on my bed and walked across the room. It was dark so I held out my hands in front of me to protect myself from hitting any furniture.

I stubbed my toe on the leg of the crib. "Dammit" I swore under my breath as to not wake up the baby.

I looked down on Teddy in his crib. He was sound asleep.

He looked so much like his father.

A tear rolled down my cheek as the events of the past few weeks began to play through my head…

* * *

I was in an intense battle with Bellatrix. Curses were being cast everywhere. Colors of blue, red, purple, and green seemed to fill Hogwarts like a fireworks display. If I hadn't have been battling for my life, as well as the safety and security of future generations, I might have admired this beautiful display of colors.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Remus battling with Dolohov. I was terrified of what would happen to Remus if something went wrong. Dolohov was one of the original Death Eaters and was merciless.

I turned toward Bellatrix for just a moment and shouted a curse in her direction.

"Stupefy!" Damn! I missed.

I returned my focus back to my husband to see him struck by Dolohov's curse. The purple lightning hit him right below is heart. He staggered backwards and then his knees buckled as he fell to the floor.

I screamed in horror and pain as I watched my one true love die. I ran to him while Molly yelled at me. "Tonks! Watch out! She's right behind you!"

I couldn't care less what would happen to me. All I wanted to do is to be by my Remus' side.

I threw myself to the floor as I wept beside my husband. He still felt warm to the touch. Was he gone? No. NO. I tried to get him to get up but it was to no avail. He was gone.

I got up from beside him. "DOLOHOV!" I screamed. I was going to kill him.

I scanned the chaos and spotted him dueling with Flitwick. I began to run towards them when Flitwick released a bolt of red light from his wand that hit Dolohov squarely in the chest. It was too loud to hear what curse Flitwick had cast, but it appeared to cause Dolohov much pain.

I hope he was dead. If he wasn't, I sure as hell was going to be the one to take his life.

Duels were happening all around me as spells bounced around the room. I felt lightheaded as the room began to spin. Was this a dream?

I collapsed on the floor and looked over my shoulder to Remus' limp body. I crawled over to him, wishing he would just wake up so we could return home to our son.

But he didn't awake.

I curled up next to him, wishing I was dead as well. I closed my eyes as I wept.

* * *

I must have blacked out because before I knew it, Harry had placed a hand on my shoulder. "Tonks? Are you okay?"

"_OKAY?_" I snapped, "I'm lying next to my dead husband and you ask me if I am _OKAY?_"

"I'm sorry. Even though all I've been surrounded by is death and destruction, I never know quite what to say"

I looked at Harry. He was a mess. A tear seemed to well up in his eye. I knew how fond Harry was of Remus. Remus vowed to always be there to care for Harry, but now, he was gone.

I looked away from the boy and back to my love. I felt like crying, but no matter how hard I tried, the tears just did not seem to fall.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked. The room was almost empty, apart from a few scattered bodies of deceased Death Eaters.

Harry gulped and looked at the floor. "They… um… They're trying to console Molly."

My heart stopped. "Who is it?"

"Fred."

Finally, the tears seemed to return to my eyes. The thought of losing a son… It was unbearable.

"I don't want to leave him." I said as I laid my hand upon his.

"You don't have to. Not right now at least."

I stared at Remus' face. So peaceful and serene. It made me wonder what his last thoughts were. Me? Teddy? I'm not sure.

"Remus? Remus, honey? Wake up." I whispered, "Remus? Remus? Remus?..."

* * *

The rest of that night was a blur. A hazy memory that felt surreal. The next thing I knew, I was at my house, staring out of a window.

My mother sat in a rocking chair across the room, holding Teddy. He looked so peaceful that I almost did not want to say anything as to disturb him.

"Mom?" My throat was dry and hoarse. Talking felt unnatural.

"Oh Nympadora! You're talking again. This is great!" My mother sounded happy but the look of pain was clearly all over her face.

"What do you mean talking again?" I tried to think back to what had happened but everything was so fuzzy. Like it was a dream. Was it a dream?

My mother placed a hand on my arm. "Darling, it's been five days. You've just stood there without a word for the past five days. It was almost like… like…"

"Like what mother?"

"Like you were waiting on him to come back."

The image of Remus lying on the floor returned to my head. I shuddered trying to think of anything else to get the horrifying picture out of my head.

I looked down into my mother's arms and looked at my baby.

"May I?", as I outstretched my arms.

My mother passed Teddy to me and I held him close to me. I gazed into his smiling eyes and all I felt was pain. It was like looking at a very small Remus.

"I… I can't. Take him?" I asked, as I gave the infant back to his grandmother.

Tears started to flow down my cheeks as I returned to my post by the window.

My mother went to lay Teddy in his crib and then moved over to me.

Embracing me in a hug, she said "Nymphadora, you just went through one of the most difficult things you will ever experience. I know how it feels to lose the love of your life. Your father was taken not long ago."

My mother's words stung as I remembered my father Ted. Were her words supposed to soothe me?

"You need time to grieve" she continued, "But, you must remember that you have to take care of little Teddy, as well as yourself."

I stared out of the window. I couldn't think of anything to say. Anything I wanted to say. All I wanted was to be left alone.

Eventually my mother took the hint as she slowly backed out of the room.

I thought of everything I had left in front of me. Raising a child? On my own? Even with Remus by my side this task had seemed impossible. I had no idea how I would be able to manage this…

**A/N: How will Tonks cope with Lupin's death? Next chapter Tonks remembers her final conversation with Remus. :( Kinda cried a little writing it. I'm going to try and post regularly every Wednesday or so. Don't forget to R&R. :) **


	2. Remembrence

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews guys! This is really the first time I've actually posted any of my writing anywhere so it really means a lot to see what you guys think. :) This chapter is again in TPOV but it's going to bounce around in the next few chapters. And sorry for they delay; technical issues suck. :) **

The next few days were just a blur. A very painful blur.

People came by to visit but I didn't really pay attention to them. Mum said some various Order members had stopped by as well as Harry and his friends. It was nice for them to care but all I wanted to do was to be left alone.

Today though, Mum came in to my room. She gently shook me as I opened my eyes. I wasn't actually sleeping but I closed my eyes occasionally when she walked in, so that she wouldn't have to worry about me. She had Teddy to take care of.

It pained me too much to look at Teddy. The likeness between he and his father was uncanny but all it did was remind me that I had lost Remus.

"Nymphadora? Are you listening?" my mother asked.

My mind was drifting so much that I hadn't even realized that she was speaking to me. "Mhm."

She gave me a look. Sadness mixed with a little bit of annoyance. "I was saying, today, there is a memorial at Hogwarts. I really think you should go."

I cringed at the though. "The LAST place I want to go is that place. I don't need to return there to be surrounded by people that I don't want to see right now."

Mum seemed hurt by my snap at her and I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. She really had enough to deal with already.

"I'll go." I said, just so that she did not have to lecture me some more about it.

A small smile crossed her face but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"I'll set some clothes out for you while you clean yourself up. And Darling? Why don't you eat something too? You look ill."

* * *

It was about 11 o'clock by the time we arrived at Hogwarts. Tents with flowers all around them seemed to be set in one open field. Throngs of witches and wizards were strewn about all wearing black.

I looked up toward the sky. It looked like rain was on its way.

Me and Mum walked through the crowd where people seemed to be gathered around something. By the time we made our way to the center of the mob, I had wished that I was back home.

Photos of all those who had died in the battle were up, surrounded by a wreath of flowers. I looked at Remus' picture as he smirked at us. Right next to his photo stood the photo of Fred Weasley, grinning ear to ear.

This was the first time that I had looked at him since he had died. Looking at him reminded me of our harsh last words to each other.

Originally, Remus never wanted for us to be together. He would always say he was so much older than I was and that, with him being a werewolf and all, that it wasn't safe. But that didn't stop me from falling in love with him.

When he left to fight alongside everyone on that fateful night, he urged me to stay home with Mum and Teddy. "They need you more than we do" he said, "Take care of them."

I begged him to stay, or at least to let me go with him. I didn't want to be apart from him and I definitely did not want to sit around while they defeated the Dark Lord. Tears were streaming down my face as I held his hand.

He knew that I would not take no for an answer though because not even an hour had passed before I followed him to Hogwarts. I was not going to let him fight this alone.

I couldn't stand looking at him anymore. I made my way through the crowd, making sure to avoid everyone's eyes. I had finally made it through the people when I ran into someone.

"Oops. Sorry." I said before looking up to see Charlie Weasley.

"Oh, Hey Tonks." Charlie said with a half smile. His red hair looked unkempt and you could tell by the bags under his eyes that he hasn't slept very well either.

"How are you holding up?" he asked with concern in his eyes.

A million different emotions came to mind but who was I to unload all of my feelings to him. I mean, this wasn't the Charlie I knew growing up. "I'm doing alright." Liar. "How's Molly?"

"Terrible. I've been up with her all night long. Every time she looks like she's beginning to get better she'll call George, Fred or she'll find one of Fred's shirts in the laundry or something like that. Then she'll just sit down and cry for hours. It's horrible. We couldn't even get her to come today."

My heart broke at the thought of Molly in that much pain. She was always so nice to everyone and then this happened to her…

Charlie must have seen how this news affected me because he changed the subject. "How's little Teddy doing?"

A pain shot through my heart as I lied again. "He's just great."

"That's wonderful." Charlie said. "Where is he right now?"

I craned my neck to look around the tent to see mom standing with some people I did not recognize. Teddy was in her arms. I didn't want to look at him for too long so I looked back at my mother's face. She looked worried. I wondered who the people she was talking to were and what they wanted.

Remembering that I was still standing with Charlie, I quickly pointed them out with a little chuckle that felt unnatural and out of place.

I looked at Charlie's face and realized that he was wondering the same things I was but didn't think it was his business to ask.

"I should probably get back home to Mum," Charlie said, "But if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to write me."

The thought of this comforted me and I thanked him for that. We said our goodbyes and then he turned away and disappeared through the crowd.

* * *

The rest of the day was so monotonous. Different people telling me how sorry they were for my loss, what a wonderful person Remus was, how strong I am for holding up like this, blah blah blah.

I was sick of hearing it. They had no idea how I felt. They were just repeating the same cookie cutter bullshit that they're supposed to say. It's like funeral etiquette 101.

When it seemed like the billionth person was through with talking to me, I dismissed myself and began searching for my mother again. It had been hours since I had seen her talking to those strange men with Teddy.

I wandered the crowd while a few people stared as I walked by. I heard a few small groups of people whispering and wondered if it was about me.

It seemed like forever until I had come to the conclusion that my mother wasn't her anymore. She had left me? This troubled me because I knew that she had no intention of leaving me.

I spotted Harry with Hermione across the room. I assumed Ron was at home with his mother, along with Ginny. I began to move toward them. Neither of them looked very comfortable here and looked like they didn't know entirely what to do.

"Hey guys. Did you see my mum leave with Teddy earlier? I've been looking for both of them for a while and I can't quite seem to find them."

"Uhm... I don't remember exactly when but I did see her leave with some people earlier." said Harry.

"Some people?" Could they be the same strange men that I saw her talking to earlier?

"I didn't recognize them." Hermione quietly spoke. Her head was pointed to the ground, like it had been since I noticed the pair across the crowd.

After thanking them, I decided that I needed to find her desperately. Could she have gone home without telling me? The only way to find out would to be to return home and hope that she was there waiting for me.

**A/N: So I rewrote this chapter like five different times until I think that I finally got it right. What do you guys think? So many questions were brought up in this chapter. How well did Tonks used to know Charlie and, more importantly, who were the mysterious men talking with Andromeda? Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out. :) Don't forget to R&R!**


	3. Pain

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry for the ****extreme**** delay. It was like a hailstorm of shit these past couple of weeks. With family in the hospital, my computer crashing, and severe writers block, this kinda had to get put on the back burner for a little while. But, here it is! :) Even made it slightly longer just for you guys.**

* * *

**TPOV**

I apparated back home and was surrounded by the darkness. I approached the door and realized that all of the lights were out. Strange.

Where could mum be? Was she sitting in the dark? And where was Teddy?

I opened the door, expecting someone to jump out or something.

But that didn't happen. Nothing happened. I walked through the living room and approached the bedroom. Teddy's crib was empty.

I wondered where they could be. I didn't worry though because I believed that Teddy was safe with mum. She could probably take better care of him than I could.

I left the bedroom and walked toward the kitchen. I flipped open the cupboards looking for something to fill the empty hole inside of me. I found a bottle of Firewhisky buried in the back of a shelf filled with herbs.

I never was much of a drinker but after everything that had just happened today, I needed something. The Memorial. Not finding Mum and Teddy. Seeing Charlie. It was just too much.

I began reaching for a glass when I decided to forgo it. I'll just drink it straight from the bottle.

I sat down and took a swig of the Firewhisky. It cringed at the burning the drink caused. I took another drink and another and another and another…

The room started to look hazy and time seemed to stand still. Before I had even realized it, the whole bottle was almost gone. Was it full when I started? I could hardly remember what day it was let alone how much was in the bottle before I had started drinking.

I heard a noise at the door. "Teeddy?" I called while trying to stand. Bad idea. My legs gave out the moment I let go of the chair for support. I came tumbling down to the floor, bottle in hand.

I tried to keep my eyes open when I saw a shape move from around the corner. I couldn't make out who it was who came to my side as my eyes slowly started to close.

* * *

I awoke in my bed with the worst headache I had ever had in my life. I glanced toward the alarm clock. The red illuminated letters singed my eyes. I threw my hand in the general direction of the clock in an attempt to knock it off of the table. Shit, I missed.

After two more attempts, I finally succeeded and the alarm clock fell to the floor with a crash.

I heard scuffling on the other side of the room but I didn't have the energy to turn my head to look and see what was causing it.

"Mum? I've had the worst night. Where have you been?" I said groggily.

"Uhm… It's Charlie."

I quickly turned to him at the sound of his voice. "Charlie? What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. I pulled up the covers around me like a barrier.

He looked down at the ground, like he was ashamed or something. I regretted sounding so harsh but I needed to know why he has here. In my house.

"I… I came to check on you. I came back to the memorial looking for you but I heard that you had left. I was worried about you so I came over to your house. The door was left open, so I walked in to make sure nothing was wrong. I had almost made it to the kitchen when you had fallen, so I rushed to get you and put you in bed."

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked. I scratched my head and winced as I touched the spot where I hit my head. Ouch.

"A few hours. I've just been sitting around waiting for you to wake up," Charlie said. He leaned up against the wall, crossed his arms, and stared at me inquisitively.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked maybe a little too harshly. I really have to work on that I thought.

A slight smirk crossed Charlie's face. "Haven't seen you that drunk in years."

"You haven't seen me in years," I quietly added.

"They need me in Romania. I wrote you in the beginning but you stopped responding after a while." Charlie began to shuffle his feet around. He always did this when a situation became uncomfortable.

"I stopped responding because your letters became shorter and shorter. It seemed like you didn't even want to write to me anymore."

The look on his face after I said that made me regret it. "Of course I wanted to write to you..." Charlie stared off into the distance as his sentence trailed off.

We sat in an awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity. I finally decided to break the silence, but before I had an opportunity to Charlie spoke again.

"I shouldn't be here. You probably want time to yourself," he said as he began to walk towards the door.

I fought with myself inside of my head. Did I want him to stay or leave? I watched him walk as an internal battle raged in my head. "No, wait. Don't leave just yet." Stay? What are you thinking? Why do I want him to stay?

I looked at his face to see a small smile of relief. I guess he really didn't want to leave either.

I motioned for him to come over and sit on the bed with me. We then talked for hours. He told me stories about the dragons and I told him stories about the Order. I avoided stories involving Remus. I didn't feel like breaking down and crying right now. Especially not in front of Charlie.

Talking with Charlie almost made me feel normal again. Like a part of me wasn't ripped away, leaving a gaping hole.

It felt like we were fifteen years old again, sitting in the Three Broomsticks, drinking our Butterbeers and cracking jokes about the professors that we didn't like. I let a small smile cross my face at the thought of that but quickly wiped it away.

What was I doing? We weren't kids anymore. I wasn't fifteen and carefree. Charlie wasn't my best friend anymore. You can't undo years of pain in a few hours…

I decided to end our conversation abruptly, which seemed to puzzle him. "Maybe you should leave now…"

* * *

**CPOV**

"Maybe you should leave now…"

The words lingered in my head, even after she had finished talking and proceeded to stand up off of the bed.

Why did she say this so suddenly? Was it something I said? Did I upset her?

I had made sure to be very careful about what I said around Tonks. I knew what a fragile state she was in and I knew that the whole being 'alright' thing was just an act. I had made the mistake of letting Fred's name slip around Mum the other day and saw what that did to her. She cried for hours. I didn't want to cause Tonks that kind of pain.

She loved Lupin. I don't know why. He was far too old for someone her age. Plus the fact that he was a damned werewolf. It was unsafe for her to be around him. Tonks always did have a thing for danger though. I smiled as I thought of all of the fun times that we used to have when we were younger.

Tonks and I were inseparable back then. She always cheered me on at my Quidditch games and cheered me up if I didn't do spectacular, which wasn't often I might add. I always loved seeing her pink hair in the stands, rooting for me, even if we were playing her House.

I missed seeing that pink hair. She was so happy back then… Now, her hair is this brown color. It's not horrible, but I loved her pink hair. All I wanted to do was cheer her up enough so maybe she'll turn her hair back to that color it was long ago.

"If you want me to leave, I will." I said. I searched her face for any doubt but she seemed to have made up her mind.

I went to give her a hug goodbye but she seemed to lean away from me when I walked toward her. It hurt but I didn't let her see how I felt.

"Well I guess this is goodbye then."

"I suppose it is." She said as she walked toward the window and stared out of it.

I then turned around and walked toward the open door. I hesitated in the door frame before turning around once again to look at Tonks.

She looked so sad and I wished that I could just take all of her pain away. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. There was nothing to be said. I started to walk out the door when I noticed an envelope on the table.

I opened it and scanned the letter.

"Uh… Tonks, you might want to see this…"

**A/N: DUN DUN DUN. :) No seriously, I want to thank all of you for putting up with how late this has been. It really means a lot that SOMEBODY reads this stuff. :) DON'T FORGET TO R&R!**

**P.S. I left some of the details from the past out on purpose. They'll come into play later. :)**


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